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9/11 to 9/12 FULL MOON EDITION OMG***

[ok technically cusp of full moon; whatever, it was full moon energy]

[I don’t even believe in full moon energy, do I? I have no idea.]

[this might all be a simulation.] [pretty sure full moon energy is a thing.]


Platinum Pro 4.93*

[dipped to 4.92 for a minute WTF you 4 star people STOP IT.]

584 trips in 2 months

12 Great Conversation

8 Excellent Service

1 Entertaining Driver

…and a partridge…

5* = 373

4* = 8 [WTF STOP IT]

3* = 3 [really?!]

2* = 1 [no I actually deserved this one; oops.]

1* = 3 [lol u poutin cuz it didn’t become your car for the $10 u spent]

[SUBERU plates I formerly announced “were ready” actually weren’t;

curse you premature email for the emotional trauma of having to wait more.

and after an uninteresting but time-consuming period of me grappling to understand how to install the mounting bracket:

“this isn’t even the right mounting bracket”


“oh actually it is; I didn’t know what I was doing…”]

[in the end of my journey I listened to Crash by Gwen Stefani a RIDICULOUS number of times on repeat for like an hour, so I think I might name him Crash. my car. SUV. whatever. definitely a boy.]

[this name is not related to River’s dinghy Leaky who is not ironically named.]

[Crash’s rainbow translucent beaded hummingbird is now named Diversity Bird.]

[Three, my Car DAGRON, continues to accumulate crystals in his Console Crystal Cave.]

[I cannot use the word “grapple” without thinking of the last Firefly episode.]

Night started slow. Actually no. Night started with me being obnoxious with the people at Target. After chatting briefly with my favorite checkout lady who’s there literally every time I’m there late at night.

In case you missed it, copied here:

[two cars pull up side by side in Target parking lot and a guy gets out] Me: "You guys are bad at dealing drugs. TOTALLY conspicuous." Upset Guy: "What are you talking about?! We're just switching cars!!" Me [disarming]: "I'm just playin. Just sayin random things."

[party mildly appeased, slightly less annoyed] Me [I'm a fucking troll]: "You ARE very bad at dealing drugs tho." [they mutter amongst themselves, thoroughly annoyed. my job is complete.]

{spoiler alert}: two passengers were obviously awesome before they even got in the car.

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